Thursday, July 12, 2012

Confessions of a Collie Mom

1)  I have brushed out a Collie without spritzing
      him with water.
      a) but of, course, under no circumstances should one neglect the water when brushing out the      
          nether regions......

 2)  I have yelled out un-Christian names to my Collies when  their feet refuse to stay on the grooming table.
      a)  none of the neighbors ever complained
      b)  DH Bikeman looked at me askance and asked if I   needed to "give him a break" from brushing.

 3)  I have jerked on the leash in correcting my Collies.
      a)  did no good whatsoever with James.
      b)  caused Prosper (the one who so lovvvveeees his Mommy) to shut down immediately
      c)  created a buttload of Guilt on the part  of the Mommy.
           i) not worth the Guilt.

 4)  I have bicycled with my Collies at speeds over 11mph.
      a)  and Prosper still insisted on stopping to pee
      b)  I think he was trying to write his name
      c)  if he had needed to "dot an i" he probably would have popped the leash

 5)  Some mornings I don't let the boyz out until after 10 am
      a)  I like to sleep in, stay up late
      b) James has the biggest bladder in the world.

 6)  I dremel my Collies' nails every Friday
      a) and they still believe that I am trying to kill them
      b) sometimes I skip a week
      c) neither of them complain if I skip a week.

 7)  I always lock up the van when I leave the boyz in the  van.  
      a)  even tho I leave the windows halfway down

 8)  I always feed the boyz at the same time every evening.
      a)  unless, of course, it is very hot outside, then I wait till the world cools down a little.
      b)  unless, of course, I get sidetracked with mosaic'ing or digging in the yard.
      c)  unless, of course, I forgot to thaw something out earlier in the day.

 9)  Dogs are not allowed on the furniture
      a)  Prosper seems to think that he is
      b)  I shall always rejoice that my dogs are "young" enough to jump onto the couch.
10) Dogs are not allowed to sleep in the bed.
      a)  sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night sleeping on one quarter of the mattress.

11) I make sure that I am prompt and uptodate on flea prevention.
      a)  this spring we had a Big Infestation
      b)  treating twice in one month was a Necessity

12) Daily Training is imperative.
      a) somedays all we do is "commercial" training
          i) defined as "training during TV commercials."
      b) dogs do not understand about "too hot" "too cold" or "too wet" to train
      c)  training daily leads to we Must train daily or they will become self-employed

13) I am able to walk over a mile with my Collie off lead.
      a)  this "validates" the question, "what good is it to perform this task in Obedience trials?"
      b)  the less control I exhibit over them, the more control I seem to have.
           i) Dang, you, Barbara Janelle!
          ii) is this Zen or Tao?
      c)  I have wonderful heeling behavior off lead.
           i) once again....Dang you, Barbara!

14) Chasing cats is Not Allowed in our household.
       a)  unless, of course, the cat runs away.
            i) our cats do not run away.
       b)  Prosper has his  very own cat

15) Barking is Not Allowed to excess in our household.
      a) which brings us to the question:  what IS "excess"?
      b) yelling dammit shutUP is ineffective.
      c) sometimes ya just gotta sing!

16) Jumping up onto my chest is cause for correction.
      a) this is also a huge reward for Prosper
      b) I use this behavior in the performance ring when food rewards are not allowed.

17) Teaching your dog to retrieve is a Good Thang.
       a) make sure that you have an Otterbox on your iPhone.
       b) do not drop your panties/bra/jammies onto the floor.
           i) this can become embarrassing when you have male guests over.

18) Collies are extremely drawn to children.
      a) their movements tend to slow down and they become more gentle.
      b)  they will leave you in the Obedience/Agility/Dance ring to interact with a child in the

19) I am frequently asked, "Do Collies shed?"
      a) Wish I had a nickel for every time someone has asked me that.
      b)  Hopefully, you who are reading this, know the answer.
      c)  Collie Wool spins into some very warm yarn.
           i) I have the name of a Very Wonderful Spinner if you want to save your Collies' wool.
          ii) I can teach you how to knit.
      d)  I vaccuum every day.
          i)  I own a Dyson vaccuum.

20) Statistics say that the "average" pet owner spends $200 a year on vet bills.
       a)  I tripled that amount in 2 days last month.
            i)  Worth every penny.
       b)   having a healthy, Annoying Collie is a most wonderful thing.
       c)  good veterinarians have a Special place in Heaven.

21)  I change the water bowls in our house about 4x a day.
       a)  and the towels underneath the bowls.

22)  Having Collies in our midst has been a Great Joy in our lives.
       a)  I waited almost 50 years to find this out.
       b)  here's hoping I have another Collie in me......... 




1 comment:

Amee Abel said...

I hope you have 2 or 3 more collies in you :-)

24. Yelling "That'll do" does not mean that your collies will believe it.
a) Loki never believes it until he's had the last word
b) Spirit is pretty sure that she's smarter than I am.
i) She's not.