It's Friday. Is the Biopsy Report In?

Sunnybank, 2012

Yes.  Yes it is.  And it is Good and it is notsogood.....


I thought he would live forever.  Some days I wanted to kill him.  Some times I thought he would kill me.  Most days were roller coaster rides with James on the front seat, barking, "Faster! FASTER!"

I hung on for dear life, learning skills I did not know were within me. 

He's never done anything slowly. He has barreled thru Life, calling all of it "his due," and making us stop and take notice of his 

Incredible  Magnificence 

(his words, not mine)......

And we have.  We All have.  

Never a Champion in the Breed Ring.  Never a    High in Trial in the Obedience, Rally, or Agility Rings. 

But allow him to make his own way, write his own script, choreograph his own dance......and there you have an Incredibly Magnificent Collie.

Perhaps that is what he came here to teach me...

Choose your Path.  Don't be stiff.  Don't even be brave.  Just expect your Public to love you and be thrilled you are in their midst. Bark at thunder.  Allow children to put their tiaras on your head.  Rush up to people in wheelchairs.  Trade valuable objects for a taste of food.  And dance!  Dance because you know they want to see you dance. 

Broken

Taking the challenge here....a five minute writing challenge.....Just to get me in the Blog again.....

Keyword here is "Broken."

I do not Like broken things.  For a person who collects and rescues many things, Broken Ones soon find their way to the trash.

Broken, chipped, cracked,unfixable.......Nope.....as my grand baby said......"No Want."  Not in my cabinet, not on my coffee table.

Several years ago I was introduced to a magical world of Mosaic. My friend Joanne had some beautiful flowerpots in her home, mosaiced with all sorts of whimsical items and broken pieces of pottery and plates.  Even cup handles and teapot spouts!

Intrigued and not just a little envious, I cajoled her into inviting me over the next time she and her Art Friends convened to create mosaics of their own.

Never having been acquainted with the "visual artist" types, I sat mute before my large flowerpot while the others nipped and stuck and laughed and praised.

Slowly, I reached my hands out to a chipped Christmas dinner plate I had contributed to the stash of raw materials.  It was one of a set of dishes that had golden trumpets on it with red poinsettias--- a beloved pattern that had called my name many years before. I did not even wait until the
after-Christmas sale to purchase them. Omigosh! Trumpets, Christmas, and Red--- allinone.

I was so sad when the chip appeared.......I did something I never had done before.......I did not toss it in the trash.......I put it back in the cabinet.....on the bottom of the stack.  There it remained, year after year, unused, hidden, a silent reminder that I no longer had a complete set......

I took the nippers and broke off a piece of golden trumpet and red Christmas flower.  Dabbed a bit of mastic on the back, and carefully found the perfect contour of the flowerpot.

One of the artist-friends had brought a ceramic letter"T."   She held it out to me, smiling, knowing before I even knew, what was to come into my life.

And, this was the beginning of a new discovery within me.  The discovery of  the Artist Inside Toni Bailey.  Emerging in the sixth decade of her life to create beautiful works out of Broken Things.

I now have a Studio in a corner of our storage barn.....My iPod plays while the dogs lie peacefully on the ramp in the evenings.  The cool winds waft thru or the portable fan blows its breeze.  My creations come from the not-so-ordinary into the world of re-acceptance.  What was broken or chipped or even tossed aside has a New Life and is declared beautiful once again.

So......bring your broken thangs to me.  I, the Artist, will transform their brokenness.  Or, better still, I can introduce you to your Artist Within.  She exists in all of us.

Catching the Squirrel

My daughter's MIL had a dachshund who lived to chase squirrels.  Chased them thru her yard, chased them up trees, high line wires, over and under fences.  She chased squirrels for years, this little red sausage. And they, in turn, tormented her, taunting her from the high places and the outsideofthefence places.

Ginger made  her Life's Mission to catch a squirrel.  Just ONE squirrel, so she could experience the triumph and Joy of having known she could do it.

But the years of practice rolled by, and even with daily exercises and Encouragement from her humans and dog friends alike, she never achieved her goal.

Then, one day, Ginger and her human were walking in the park across the street from her house. A familiar face showed itself on the path around the pond, and Ginger took off, her owners leash flying like a banner behind her.  She flew like the wind, and the squirrel, who was unaccustomed to such unbridled menace, had no instinct to escape this marauder.

Ginger caught that squirrel, right square around the ribcage, turned and headed towards her mistress to display the prized trophy.

If you have ever been around squirrels for any period, you will quickly come to realize that they truly are the embodiment of the definition "squirrelly."  Their movements are jerky and fast and certainly unpredictable.  They are squirrels, and they act like squirrels. And they have sharp teeth. And they bite.

Ginger is a very sweet dachsie, unaccustomed to violence or even discomfort of any kind.  Mostly she burrows under the quilts on the couch in winter, and people's laps in summer.  She's never bitten anything except her chew toys and various chair legs....

So What! does a city dachshund DO when she finally captures her prey in a beautiful park by the lake with her panicked mistress trying vainly to regain control of leash and deal with an hysterical rodent.

Ginger had caught the squirrel, and did not have the "tools" to complete the task.

She walked around with the semi-comatose squirrel wiggling in her jaws, telling the world around her, "Omigosh! Omigosh! Omigosh! I caught the Squirrel!!"

Eventually, Ginger released her prize,allowing the sodden rodent to run up the nearest tree. Ginger remained triumphant, proud, and a bit bewildered. She had received her Heart's Desire, and her life was changed.

Last week, I, too, Caught The Squirrel.

My Collies and I have been asked to dance at the Collie National Specialty in Wisconsin this spring.

At this point, I am still walking around repeating OmigoshOmigoshOmigosh.

Dancing Thru Life

Below you will find a note from our older daughter.......Their life has been in a (wonderful!) upheaval of moving to another state, selling and buying a home, unpacking, finding the closest Target and Kroger, deciding on a new church, locating a new hairdresser.......

And in the midst of all this Change, her daughter crossed into "Womanhood," momentarily blindsiding her and causing a great deal of introspection, and yes,...worry........

As we each rotate into our individual roles in Life, we expect the World to stop and slow down a bit. We need to get our bearings and understand  our management of these new titles.....

The planet doesn't wait for us to interrupt its rotation and gradually cope.  Instead, it insists we continue to fly thru the universe by the proverbial "seat of our pants."  

It makes us stronger.  Causes us to think on our feet AND savor each moment as well.....

 Here's what Emily wrote to me:

Well, yesterday I went shopping for sanitary pads with my baby daughter and today I taught her how to shave her legs.... I am still in a state of shock because she is just a baby.  She is so interested in discovering all that it means to be a young lady and it is difficult for me to watch her stretch out her longer-than-mine, beautiful legs and ask me questions about pubic hair and Listen to her whisper that "everything was okay when I went to the bathroom....".  We shopped for new, cute panties to celebrate "The Event".  She has quizzed me about my cycles and we have discussed how important it is that she be thinking ahead in preparation for the Job her body will someday do when she becomes a 
momma.  So much.....so fast.  I know it is a big change for her but I had No Idea as to what a big change it would be to me.  So, to you that have experienced it I want to say Good Job and Thank You. To those of you who are waiting to
experience these changes I want to say..... Soak everything up while you are where you are.   Everyone talks about the changes that a young woman goes through during puberty but no one warns the momma that her baby slips through her fingers In a mere second..... 
Em 

And here is my reply.....Red a tenting, indeed!

I have never met anyone so Eager to start her period! I heard the "catch" in her voice when she called to tell me, and I melted....Delicate snow turning to rain on my skin.....

It is so wonderful that you can discuss this and cherish the Moment in Time when she steps over to Womanhood.  This is the Perfect age for her....She knows enough to be in awe of her body and to appreciate the miracle that surrounds and grows within her.  She is not afraid of going forward into Life, tho she certainly welcomes the company and the Support.

What a Great Age!!!  PERFECT timing on her Creator's part.

And you!  YOU get to sit beside her and watch her journey into places you can never go......You travelled this road at this age with your head in the stars, counting it all as Normal and Quite Easy.  You had no fear for the future, only anticipation and delight. You wondered how you could incorporate jewelry into each moment and desired, above all, that those around you be as content.....

Yes, I marveled at you, as I watched you depart from me into worlds I could not go. I see you now experiencing the same joy and trepidation and sadness that I felt when I realized you had to do much of this Alone, without me, and in your own style. 

Here I am, two generations away, and confirming, once again, what a Good Job I did......

xoxox

Momma

Musings of a 61-year-old on her Birthday......

Yesterday, January 21, I turned 61.  Not so bad.  Except that I'm fatter than I want to be.  More wrinkled than I want to be. Less limber and less graceful than I want to be.  More grey of hair than I want to be.

All outward appearance disappointments....Some of which can be modified with diet, exercise, Mary Kay, yoga, and Loving Care.....Mail order or WalMart should take care of most of these....

Where am I on the Inside matters? What have I done in these six decades to warrant another trip around the Sun? Have I improved Life on this planet?  Have I managed to leave the woodpile stacked a little bit higher? Have I accomplished anything of Merit as a woman way past her Prime?

This is one of the earliest photos of me. Probably the only "baby" picture of me.... Third child. Older sister, older brother....If you look closely, you can Tell that this is an "impromptu" photograph....taken while visiting my parents' hometown in Arkansas. Looks like Mom had hurriedly tucked in the front of my brother Nic's shirttail....My sister Sherry was dressed in playclothes, and why Daddy had on a suit and tie, I do not know. Mom seems relaxed. Almost sensuous.....Like me, she Enjoyed her role of wife and mother....

Below is me in first grade.  I'd already lost a few teeth.  We were growing out my bangs....unsuccessfully, it appears.....I never was a pretty child, and never thin.  But I had an Open Smile, and my eyes always said "yes."   

Birthdays make one think. At least, the more I have, the more I think about these things and where I am in relationship with the Earth, its Creator, and the folks travelling with me......

And, so, I believe, a List is in order.....For no one elses benefit except mine.....

 

 

 

If you continue to read, then perhaps this might cause you to create a similar list....and in doing so, perhaps it might help you sort some things out as well....Tho very few of you readers have orbited around the Sun as many times as I have, maybe the following paragraphs will give you a bit of insight regarding how it feels to live in an aging body with a mind who thinks it is still 17.....

Accomplishments:

  Probably the biggest and best and most important (besides the ones involving God, of course) would be our marriage of 41+ years. This, beyond all else, is the most difficult, frustrating, time-consuming, delightful thing I have ever done. Yep.  Certainly the most Difficult. And I am certain that Bikeman would agree to this. Being married to me is a Challenge at best, Hell at the worst.....And HE's no picnic, either! There were many days, weeks, months that both of us wondered What for and Why we were even Thinking of continuing together.
  As it turns out, we have come to realize that we both admire each other more than anyone we know. Respect and Honor are the hallmarks of our marriage (Lust comes in there as well, but that's another Blog). Understanding and Agreement never seem to come in to play, but give us another 41 years, and we'll see what happens.
  People who were married in the '70's did not tend to stay together.  It was the era of divorce and infidelity.  Look around you.  There are plenty of folks who have celebrated their 50th and even 60th, and their 25th.....but not many 40th...We are a strange and rare item, indeed.  A Great Accomplishment for both of us.

  Then there are the children.  I think they might just go hand-in-hand with this struggle of 41 years.....Whatever the reason, our beautiful (inside and out) daughters, maturing into successful women with families of their own----They are certainly an improvement to this planet....
  If you search the archives, you will see many pictures of them.  They even have blogs of their own. The links are there on the side of this post.

This is Baby Toni and Baby Emily.......We kinda raised each other.....

Here she is with a baby of her own......A true Treasure on this big blue marble.....

 

This one is very like ME....only an Improvement, to say the least. 

 

She tells me very Wise things....I learn a lot from her....

 

 

 

Ah.....Sisters......

And Red Tenting (Have you ever read The Red Tent by Anita Diament?  I will SEND you a copy!)

 

  So.....even though I cannot take much credit, because I certainly was sent some very GOOD raw material.....these women are truly people who continue to improve the planet....At least I can say that I had a small part in developing that.  Stir in a wonderful father, Girl Scouts, love of God, Music, and a sense of Humor, and itsa nice formula.....

 

And the Third Accomplishment.....Helping the Animals of the Earth......

  From the time I was very small, I was always bringing home ill and injured animals to heal and be whole again. My parents were very indulgent in allowing sodden, broken-winged birds and flea-infested mammals and disgusting reptiles into our home. Mostly they were defenseless to my tears, and hoped that I would eventually outgrow this need to comfort the wild things.

  I never kept count of the creatures I helped return to the lives intended for them.  I only know that I got "better" and more aware as more came into my hands.

 

 

  Several years ago I discovered that I could actually communicate with animals, and have been able, through wonderful mentors, to hone my skills and use them to help out the Animal Kingdom.  Plants and Rocks, too....

  This is a mystery that continues to unfold and develop before my very eyes.  ALL I have had to do is keep myself open and willing, and The Creator does the rest.  The most Difficult part has been moving beyond the ordinary norms of society and allowing myself the freedom to continue on this unfamiliar path.

 

So......Marriage.  Children.  Animals.  Not a bad assessment, now that I have written it all down.  I could probably take a few more years of life on Earth....and maybe, just Maybe, continue to improve my surroundings. Please remember me always with a smile....and perhaps a shake of your head....