I am in Kansas City this week keeping the grandchildren for a few days. Their Dad is on assignment in New York City, and Baby Daughter flew up to explore the town and enjoy alone time with her husband. Bikeman keeps calling and asking me if I'm okay, thinking that taking charge of a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old might be more than I can handle these days.....And, oh, yeh....That Christmas Miracle---my COMpletely losing my voice over the holidays---well, that has lingered much longer than necessary...
What Good are you around children if you do not have the voice to yell at them?
Happily, THESE children do not need any yelling at, and remind me frequently of the rules that they should follow....Gee, we haven't even watched ONE episode of Sponge Bob since I Got here....And I am Fine. The children are taking Good Care of me.
ANYway, back to the Subject at Hand (so to speak)....The...uh....the *Bleep*....
Most of my friends claim that eventually, if we visit long enough, my conversation always seems to turn back towards the subject of bowel movements....II don't know how much of that is actually True, but, as I have OFTEN said, this is a function that one should never take for granted.....And one for which we should always be grateful...
I have often said that it shall be my job in heaven to wipe noses. My own children knew how to blow their own noses by 18 months, in self defense of keeping Momma and the nose-sucker away from them.....I detest nasty noses, and have been known to swab away on children whom I do not even know....They just Needed it....
After today, however, I'm thinking that my job description might just change once I pass over the River, because right now I seem to be surrounded by, well, by other bodily functions...And, I must say, I'm becoming quite good at Scooping the Poop....
Today's first venture outdoors found the children playing on their swingset, and me scooping a gallon bucket of dog poo out of the backyard. This family has 2 big dogs, add my two Collies I brought with me, and snow has covered their "offerings" for several days now. Balmy temperatures melted the white stuff, revealing several hazards in the play area, so I took bucket and shovel in hand to tidy up the yard.
This morning the children and I took a walk over to the elementary school playground. They cavorted in the big open field, and the blue merle Collie (whom we refer to as The Liddle Wolf Cub) got to run amok as well. At one point, Prosper stopped and poo'd, and I, not being at the ready with a poop bag, improvised with a wad of paper towels I'd taken to wipe noses in the blustery day....
Now, let me digress a bit...(like I never DO that, duh!)....I feed my Collies a Raw Diet. This is a diet of raw meat, bones in, and nothing else. The benefits of this "prey" diet are many, but first and foremost is health. Of course, I am "in the business" of growing lots of coat and also making sure my boyz have bodies that are at optimum strength, endurance, and performance. They are the picture of good health and fitness, their teeth are clean, and their coats are full and lush.
Another added benefit is poop. Raw-fed dogs' poo is very compact and very dry. So, actually, picking up the objects with a paper towel is not quite as disgusting as it may sound. And besides, there was a dumpster about 100 yds away, so I could dispose of it quite fast. Of course the grandchildren were "grossed out," but, well, I just consider that one of the descriptions they can use regarding me later on, when they get older and things Really get embarrassing....
Our Samuel Robert is 2 1/2, and learning how to use the potty. He is actually quite independent in his toilette, and doesn't even need to be *reminded* to peepee unless he is distracted on the playground equipment. Pooping, however, is a little bit more involved, and not a skill he is comfortable performing whilst sitting high up in the air, feet dangling...
Samuel Robert currently prefers to "go Commando." This is a young person's description regarding the covering (or not) of underwear. Sam does not wear any underwear under his britches....He is, as Kramer on the sitcom Seinfeld announces, "OUT there, BABY!" Makes it all easier when it comes time to stand up to the potty and make a stream....
Today, he stood in the living room and sadly told me that he'd pooped. He was frozen in time and space, not wanting to MOVE for fear of what was going to happen "next." Take ONE step in those loose athletic pants, and, well....where would the unwanted stuff wind up? Down his leg and onto the floor....
Not wanting to make a big deal out of all this (please take note, I never was an advocate of potty training), I took my time getting up and putting my knitting away, nonchalantly offering my help in this matter. I told him to go to the bathroom, and we would take care if "it." I walked ahead of Samuel, and he followed, knock-kneed and hesitantly, looking over his shoulder all the time for......
Yep....those things eventually rolled right down thru his pants legs and onto the floor. "Oh Nooooo," he told me, distressed at what was happening.
But GrandTone had the ever-present tissue in her pocket, and was quick to retrieve the still warm objects and flush them quickly down the toilet.
Wipies on bottom and legs, new Commando pants, and the boy was up and runnin again, happy and (looked to me like) several pounds lighter.
Fast forward to later that afternoon. Taking a longggg walk with the children and this time, our "middle" Collie, James.
James usually takes a couple of steps on his walks, and has to "go." Doesn't matter if he has just gone moments before. Walkies always seems to bring out the poo in this Collie. In my defense, I must remind you that I had two other "added responsibilities" on this venture that I do not normally have ---those being children of 5 and 2.....So I did not think of grabbing a poop bag as we headed down the street (please don't tell my dog obedience students of their teacher's poor planning and bad citizenship).
About 3 blocks into the walk, James stopped. Turned around 3 times, and let loose. Once again, raw-fed, so firm, dry, and not even very smelly....
However...my supply of tissues/paper towels had depleted from my pockets, and I was empty-handed.
THIS is when the planet blew my way an almost-empty Taco Bell bag, and I scooped James offerings in with the packages of hot sauce and yellow taco wrappers. The things we find ourselves being deeply grateful for....
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