Forty nine. Four. Nine. 49. Not a very important number as far as numbers go. Not a "decade-marker." Not a first. Not a last. Not Silver, or Gold, or even one where you can buy "Happy 49th."No one really Celebrates this number.
49 years ago I promised to stay with this man. I promised in the presence of my family and my friends. In front of a LOT of folks who knew a lot more than I ever will, and still they confirmed and rejoiced in our decision. They held up Hope. They knew it would not be easy. They knew we would want to kill each other. They knew we would look in the mirror and wonder where that bride and groom disappeared to. They saw children and fevers and sparse tables and car trouble and busted water heaters and sleepless nights.
What they refused to see was our ever giving up the struggle. They chose instead to set the example of The Continuum and smiled knowingly as we drove away, fearless, clueless.
49 years. I look at him and see youth and vitality, his bright blue eyes, his sideways grin. He still sees my tiny waist and my long blond hair, tied back with a ribbon.
We hold hands now, and marvel at our vein-y skin. His blue eyes have lines around them. My tiny waist mocks my hips.
And today....just for Today...we say we would do it all over again.....Tomorrow is Always another decision....But the decision gets easier each day that passes. He loves me in spite of myself. He knows how hateful and derisive I can be. He understands my insecurities. He tolerates my manic states and listens to my rants.
He talks a Lot. About things I do not want to listen to or know. Politics and bicycle gear numbers and key signatures. He wears the same clothes several days in a row. He leaves toothpaste globs in the sink (today there was one on the floor...). He spoils the cats, ruins my dog-training rules, criticizes my driving.
We have been given so much time. Together. We know it is a gift, and we embrace each day a bit more tenderly. He's the kindest man I have ever known. I am the happiest woman he has ever known. This is what 49 years can be. Two people exploding, expanding, embracing.
Happy Anniversary. I am yours for one more day......
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